Learning as We Go

A friend noted that it has been a while since we have updated the blog...and though there have been reasons for that, I realized it's time to put some thoughts down.

The last 6 months have been an intense (and often overwhelming) education for us on adoption and trauma.  We have spent the past 6 months completing agency-mandated training (for two separate agencies), reading books on adoption, trauma and connected parenting, reading blogs and Facebook posts about adoption stories, and speaking with those in the community about their own stories and struggles.  We have had a crash course on adoption agencies, adoption processes, ethics arguments, parenting techniques and the various ways that grief can present itself.

Our naïve, inexperienced outlook quickly changed and matured as we waded through story after story of grief, struggle, and raw emotions surrounding an adoption.  Some of the stories are told from a place of joy, looking back on the heartache through a lens of eventual success.  Other stories are told from the middle of the pain and are difficult to read.  But each experience that we read helps to prepare us for the unknowns that lie ahead of us on this path.  We have no false hope in an easy transition.  Though we long for the day that we get to meet our girl and hold her in our arms, we know that day will change our lives.  So much of our lives is easy and simple right now.  And so, as we wait, we will choose to recognize and enjoy the peace and calm that we have now.  We will enjoy the simple things that we often overlook, and find ways to be thankful for the for the wait. And we will continue to prepare our hearts and minds for whatever lies ahead.

We're about to celebrate the half-way mark of the adoption process as we get ready to send our dossier to China (hopefully next week!)  We are thrilled to be moving ahead!
We move forward in faith, knowing that we walk in obedience to God's plan. 
We move forward in trust, knowing that God will see us through this. 
And we move forward in love, knowing that love will have to be an action, an intentional decision that we make each day as we navigate unknown waters. 

Please pray for our family as we continue to walk this path.
Pray for patience during the wait. 
Pray for safe and healthy travels.
Pray that fear cannot get a foothold in our hearts and minds.
Pray for Chloe, as she steps away from all that she knows to step into our family.

Accepted

We received official acceptance into the adoption program today.  I'm excited - thrilled! - but also completely panicky and nauseous. 

How are we EVER going to get the money that we need to proceed??

Are we really ready for this?  Would we ever be READY for this?

Will we get the support we need - financially, emotionally, and relationally? 

I want to trust in God's plan, and I absolutely believe that this is part of His plan for our lives, but I am overwhelmed. 

Pray for us as we walk this path.  Pray for us to walk in faith and obedience.  Pray that God's glory will shine brighter through every page of this journey.

Finding That Balance

So here we are...one month in to this process and clipping right along!  We have had our orientation and are not officially in the Home Study process.  Since we started this process, we have been work ourselves to the bone - collecting paperwork, cleaning and reorganizing the house, making signs, cups and whatever else we can think of to sell and earn more money.  And after just one month, we're already feeling drained.  As usual, we're trying to run ahead of God and make things happen on our schedule. 
Sometimes I think God just watches me and let's me run ahead, knowing exactly how it will turn out.  I do the same thing with my own kids (when I know it won't lead to sudden death or dismemberment).  This adoption has been God's plan from the beginning.  And I know I have to learn to just let God lead.  It doesn't mean I won't have to sacrifice.  It doesn't mean I won't have to put in extra work, or long nights, or give up my weekends to fundraise or prepare to bring home our new daughter. But God doesn't call us to FRANTIC.  He doesn't call us to EXHAUSTION. God calls us to walk with Him, to FOLLOW Him. 
One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!"  There it is....peace for those who will just trust in the Sovereign. 

I'm still learning how to follow Him, and I'm sure I will continue to learn every day that I'm on this earth.  It seems like this adoption journey may just accelerate the learning curve!

It Doesn't Make Sense

As we continue to take baby steps in this process, there is one thing that is becoming very clear to me - none of this makes any sense.
As we filled out the questions on the adoption application, one question stood out among the rest:  Why do you want to adopt from China?
It seems like this should be easy enough to answer if I am applying to adopt from China.  There must be some tangible reason, right?  There must be some logical, sane, measureable reason to spend so much time, money and effort to bring a stranger into my home, right??
But there isn't.  There is no logical reason to walk this path.  There is no logical reason to put my family through this stress.  Because love doesn't make sense.  And the ways of our God don't always make sense.  We are called to love our enemies, forgive those who hurt us, and defend the defenseless.  There is no personal gain in any of this - except that it brings us closer to the heart of the Father.
Our Father loves us with a love that was so deep that He reached out and adopted us, even when we stood against Him.  He sets the example of unexplainable, undefinable love.  He sets the example for adoption and shows us time and again how He makes beauty from the ashes.
This path might not make sense, and sometimes it may look dark and overwhelming, but we will walk it in faith!

Once Upon a Time...

Isn't that how all good stories begin?

And this is going to be a good story.  I believe that with every fiber in me.  But I also know that every good story has twists and turns, highs and lows, happy scenes and scary scenes.  And I know that as my family stands at the beginning of this story and we look toward the future, and we picture the face of the little girl that we hope to one day call our daughter, I know that we are in Chapter 1 of our story.  There's a lot of unknown out there, a lot of blank pages waiting to be filled.

But this isn't just my family's story.  This is so much bigger than us.
This seed was planted and watered and blossomed only because our great and faithful God tended it.  We were not looking to adopt.  We had no plans to grow our family.  We were happily raising our daughter and our son, blissfully believing that our family was complete.  But suddenly we found ourselves sharing a fresh dream that maybe we do have one more seat at the table...room to add one more child to our family.

One day I was absently scrolling through Facebook, and there she was.  A precious little girl sitting in her pajamas, coloring a Hello Kitty book that was upside down.  I paused and read the caption.  She was a Chinese orphan being hosted by a local family.  And then I scrolled on, looking at my friend's kids, shopping for new Lularoe leggings, and seeking inspiration for a new craft project.
But the face of that little girl kept coming back to me.  Chloe.  7 years old.  I couldn't forget her.  I waited a week before I said anything to anyone, but I realized that these thoughts just wouldn't go away.  During our annual trip to Lights of the South, I noticed that my dear husband was in an especially good mood, and I took my chance at broaching the subject.  I knew I only had one shot.  "Would you ever consider adopting?", I ventured.  He looked at me sideways and responded, "What?  A dog?"  And then he looked at me square in the face and said, "NO."  I had my answer.  Forget that little girl.  This wasn't a good time to pursue something as wild as adoption.  Just forget the whole thing.

Another week went by.  I couldn't stop thinking about her.  As we were taking down Christmas decorations I decided to bring her up just one more time.  I casually mentioned that I had seen the picture of a sweet little orphan girl on Facebook, then I pulled up her picture, walked my phone over to my husband and held it up to his face.  He saw her, I said nothing, and I put my phone away.  The damage was done.  In that moment he had seen her face and she became ingrained in his heart the same way she had in mine.  We were undone.

We contacted the host family only to find out that she was leaving early the next morning.  "Can we see her tonight?" I frantically asked.  Yes!  And then we got the real kicker - she was being hosted by a family who lived in our neighborhood!

She was perfect.  Lively, affectionate, bright-eyed and sweet.  And that was the day that our journey began.  We still don't know how this story will end.  But we do know that our God is faithful.

We invite you to walk this journey with us.  We absolutely cannot do this alone.  We need encouragement, we need donations, we need wisdom, and we need support.  We need you!  Thank you for taking the time to hear our story as we look forward to writing many more chapters!

Philippians 1:6  And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.